I went on a tinder date a couple nights ago. Met him and his friends at a bar downtown, had a lot of fun, a few drinks, and I felt like we really hit it off. We danced and talked for a couple hours and I ended up going back to his friend's house with him.
He ended up living more than a half hour away from where I parked. His friend went inside and we started getting handsy a bit in the car which very quickly turned into him trying to have sex with me. Asked him if he had a condom, he said no, I said we couldn't have sex until we could find one. He kept trying, I kept telling him (very nicely) that I wanted to have protection, and he said he just wanted to feel against me, not go inside. That lasted all of 5 seconds, he went inside, I tried getting off, he kept trying to keep himself inside so I said pretty sternly at this point “I told you to Stop.” He finally stops and says we should go upstairs and we can find a condom.
When we get up there he again tries to have sex without one. I'm pretty annoyed at this point, but I feel kind of stuck because I don't know where we are, just that we drove a long way to get there. I finally just got up and went to my purse and dumped it out, hoping there was one so he would stop trying without one. I did find one and gave it to him. When I knew it was on we started having sex, and after a few position changes he kept saying he wanted to cum in me, over and over and soon after that he climaxed. When he got off of me he just rolled over, didn't seem to clean up or take off a condom and it was wet enough for me to start to question.
I ended up falling asleep while trying to figure out what to do and woke up to him again trying to have sex with me. I again told him we couldn't without protection. He starts playing with me and I swear to God at some point AGAIN went inside of me without a condom. I kept trying to push him off of me, and he held himself inside of me telling me to kiss him, that he just wants to feel me deep for a little bit—I should have punched his stupid face and kicked him off of me but for reasons I can't explain I couldn't do anything at that point but cover my face and start to cry. To his credit, this seemed to be the moment he realized I was serious and asked if I 'really wanted' him to stop. YES. He pulled out and immediately came on my stomach. Ugh, I just felt so gross, I went to the bathroom to clean up, and it was then I started to really think he had actually cum in me earlier. It was still very wet and smelled just like cum. I asked him to take me to my car and while I didn't feel comfortable bluntly confronting him, his reactions to some of the things I said confirmed in my mind that he had indeed taken the condom off at some point and came inside me. He had opportunities to admit it, or explain what happened and he didn't. He acted like everything was fine, he invited me to breakfast, kept asking to see me again. I was just so confused.
I feel so gross, disrespected, and used. I am really mad at him for how he treated me, and I am honestly mad at myself for not having the courage to stand up to him more. I can't use hormonal birth control because it gives me crazy depression, nausea, and anxiety. I've had to use Plan B twice for broken condoms and it destroyed my soul for weeks afterwards (my sister has the same reaction to hormones, we don't know why we are so sensitive to it). This isn't a small thing to me. Even disregarding plan b & std medication—I just feel so violated. Nobody cums in me. The more I think about it, the sadder and angrier I get. I don't know if I'm being overdramatic, or the plan B is encouraging these feelings. I want to confront him, but I don't know what that would accomplish really or if he would even tell the truth. Has anyone had this happen?
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